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    D-Blog: DBros or 'D from the Ra' as he sometimes refers to himself as, keeps us up-to-date with his take on New Brighton Rugby and Life in general...

     

     

     

     

     

    Blog 4

    Hey Bull Bags it dbros here to share the word of the lord with you for another week.

    First of all I would like to take a moment to thank the club officials for taking onboard my suggestions on ways to improve the club.  It was great to see a trestle table, DJ, disco lights and no soap in the men’s urinal however we still have a long way to go before I am satisfied, so pull your socks up and get that ciggie machine and 3 for 1 drinks and then you will have a happy little dbros camper!

    This is normally the section of my blog where I start to talk about my game and rugby in general but let’s face it, it isn’t worth wasting my breath, once we start getting a few more W’s on the board and get higher than 8th place on the table then I may grace you with my feedback, until then, you are on your own.   However I will like it to be noted that dbros has scored 6 tries in 4 games as well as setting up at least 100-200 tries this season alone – now get a pen and write that down.

    Now dbros is off to follow his dream in the land of opportunity this week – CHINA!  Now I don't know a lot about this country but what I do know is that I love their sweet and sour pork, steak black bean, combination fried rice and they do a mean triple chicken and bacon souvalaki.  OOOOOhhh the sites I am going to see, panda bears, the Great Wall of China, the flashing lights of Shanghai and last but not least the great lady that is the Statue of Liberty.  What a gift the French bestowed on this wonderful country.

    Sorry for the delay of the blog and apologies that this is a brief instalment too but I have shit to attend to but don't you worry you will be getting all the goss about China Land as soon dbros hits the 03 again.  Until then get your shit together as it’s my birthday next week and it’s about time you ar&%holes gave back to dbros!

    Blog 3:

    Where do I begin.....................

    Firstly I’d like to apologise to all my Dblog followers and beloved fans for not making my 4 try bag I nailed in the weekend to a 5 try feast, I am sorry for letting you all down and this is something that I have to live with now for the rest of my life. 

    I do feel like some of you guys think that 4 tries in 1 game is an easy achievement, well let me tell you something for nothing, it isn’t!  Firstly it comes down to the countless hours in the gym which involves the bench press, biceps, bench press, shoulders, bench press, shoulders and them just as I’m leaving a quick pump on the bench press.  Then you have your fitness sessions, one lazy Tuesday night per week which I normally pull up with a lame excuse like a hamstring, I’m hungry, I’ve chipped a nail, I’m having a bad hair day or something really original like that or alternatively just don't turn up at all.  Then you have to work on your speed, your ability to beat players at will, the way you place the ball down when you score, your try celebration and all that sort of shit.  So I ask you all what did we learn from dbros 4 try bag this weekend and you all should be echoing the words “hard work and striving to be better than the next guy” if there is one thing I would like my legacy to leave behind it is this work ethic that I uphold at all times.  Please also note that I did fail to include that it is critical that you annoy your coach so much that he drops you (for the 2nd week in a row) from the A’s to the B’s so he gives you the opportunity to look better than the rest of the guys on the paddock and clock up 4 – 14 tries in 1 game.

    So I just want to speak a little about team bonding and the direction that the modern player and club are heading.  When I first started playing the oval ball game team bonding (in other words getting on the piss) was pretty much the only reason we played, we would play our games and then race into the sheds to get well hammered, talk shit with the boys all night long, go into town, smoke a packet of Dunhill Reds, get into a scrap, hook up with whatever bird looked your way with 2 legs and a pulse (well it was a benefit if she had 2 legs) and then off to KFC for an ultimate burger meal with a wee side of popcorn chicken and extra seasoning on the chips.  What has happened to those days?  Do people hate the piss now or is it something more I ask myself???   I was at the club on Saturday night (claiming my player of the day voucher for my 4 try bag) and as soon as the speeches had finished there was a mass exodus and it was like a ghost town however it didn't help things that the big screen didn't work so we had to watch the game on some 14” TV which I’m sure was there before the club was built.  To top things off someone had put soap in the urinal instead of those nice smelly blue things and we now have these round tables which everybody is hating!  I know the club administrators are working really hard to try and rectify some of these issues, especially the soap in the urinal but I mean cooome onnnnnn!   Don't fear loyal New Brighton followers and club officials I have been thinking long and hard on how to fix things and I have jotted some suggestions for you all to take on board and get the club back to the way it used to be:

    • 3 for 1 drinks
    • A cigarette machine
    • A DJ who also supplies those lovely fluorescent disco lights and a smoke machine to really get the party started
    • Leather couches that have lumber support to help all those bruised and bumped bodies
    • Some of those yummy  blue smelly things for the urinal

    I am only 1 person here people so we all need to jump on board and get this shit sorted otherwise we are heading down the road of no return and the future of the clubs binge drinking culture and fighting is in danger!

    Right homos (especially the guy that puts the soap in the urinal), it’s been a pleasure as always and I look forward to our chat. Hopefully the teams will be able to pull through this weekend without the inspiration that is my presence, however it seems very unlikely.

    Blog 2:

    Boom boom boom let me hear you say wayhooo and welcome to week 2.

    So after my much anticipated return to rugby this season, I had this spectacular game already planned out in my mind however my coaches and Suburbs had other plans for me.

    First of all getting dropped to the B’s was the first hurdle I had to mentally overcome so I took a few moments to pull myself together and I started from scratch planning my perfect game and selecting the chosen few people who would be included in this plan, once I had this sorted I knew that I could continue on to carry this club to championship glory.

    I entered the field on Saturday and I instantly felt the pressure of being Dbros laying on my shoulders and clearly Suburbs had done their homework too and knew who I was and what a threat I was to them having any chance of winning, so they decided to send out some big Gorilla looking mother fu*#@r to try and kill me.  I’m out there looking like a bumble bee on steroids, working my way into the game and having a few good touches and to be honest I’m looking likely to break them open at any second and then Suburbs first degree murder attempt all started to unravel.  I return the ball from a kick down field and I see some space in behind their defensive line and I decide to try out this new skill I’ve been working on which ill call the “chip kick” (not something I normally would try).  The ball leaves my foot I continue on to chase the “chip kick” and BANG I am hammered, completely smoked by the Ape like man who comes in with no arms, late and then leaves me sprawled out on the paddock with blood everywhere, my shoulder in bits and I’m in agony!  I am lying there going in and out of consciousness and then I have a sudden epiphany and I think ‘awesome’ ill have some time off for a blood bin and the Gorilla Man Bear Pig will get a red card so this will leave us in a better position with an extra man on the field and space for me to run this show, but what do you know, NOTHING HAPPENS, WTF!   

    I’m no pussy but this is a bullshit call and I’m typically not one for calling people out in my blog and I’ve made a conscious decision not to name names  but Chris Wratt you fu*#@d this one up big time.

    Enough about everyone else and back to me!  I know you home boys see me rolling around the place with a new doo, the comb over. I don't want any of you try-hards out there trying to copy this as it is not as easy as it looks; you need a few things to pull this hair style off to maximum effect. 

    1. A massively residing hairline
    2. Slightly balding patch at the back door ( I get the hairdresser to shape that bit in)
    3. Be stacked to bits
    4. An awesome pair of mustard coloured slacks and a super low cut top (none of that crap from Hallenstines or Cotton On will do) to show off that dinner plate chest meat you have worked sooooo hard to get ,you big bitch you.

    So if you can’t put all the ingredients into the mixer there is no point backing that cake.......doooope!

    I would finally like to thank all my avid supporters over the last week and for all the enriching feedback I have been getting about by blog and with a bit of luck the forgotten solider (as I like to be addressed) will be back in the big time this week to spice up this crap competition so far.

    Blog 1:

    I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccckkkkkk.

    To the disgust of the clubs officials but to the delight of my loyal followers from New Brighton to all around the World, Dbros has been begged to let his creative genius flow once again.

    So much to speak about and so little time but I hope to cover a few topics over the coming season such as, the battles of preseason injury’s, people asking me if I’ve given up rugby for body building, people confusing me for James off Geordie Shore and my addiction to potatoes chips to name a few.

    I feel that it’s important that I take a moment to discuss the youth of today as I am often left pondering “what happened to a bit of hard work and slogging ya guts for every little thing you have achieved”?  Dbros has a lot of luscious things in life, you know, cars, houses, cash,  a blash, a new pair of adidas adipro11s but NEVER have I been giving a fu*#%n thing!   Now these young punks “the future” I think they like to call themselves but the “gimme gimme gimmes ” I like to call them,  seem to sit on their merry arses and get everything they want and then get shitty when they miss out and last of all expect everything now!   Dbros has some advice for “the future”  - work hard, shower without your panties off, play well when you get an opportunity, don't be scared to have a friken beer after the game and don't worry too much about what you look like on the field cos you can always check your comb over at half time!  I want to let you all know that I am going to be working my hairy little bean bag off to get back out on the field and win us the championship but I don't expect nothin except for a puff of Steve’s ciggie at half time and a wee scrotum grab during the game!

    Now I know you guys noticed I didn't play this opening weekend of footy and this was due to a very server hamstring injury, and I’m also guessing you noticed that both the senior teams failed to bring home a result (you do the math but it doesn’t take a genius to put 2 and 2 together). To the people of New Brighton, I will be back this week and I will be leading the way in bringing the club its first W!  I’m sure there is a sigh of relief and some excitement to see what type of condition I’m in and if humanly possible to see how I’ve improved in my strength and speed but don't worry people I can assure you that you won’t be disappointed with the goods.

    On that note I do think it’s important that I reiterate a few facts for you from my performances last season, so here it goes:

    • Overall top 10 try scorer in the div 1 competition (may I remind you that I only played 13 games)
    • Top back try scorer for div 1 (may I remind you that I only played 13 games)
    •  70% of games played I received a write up in the press “game day” blog (may I remind you that I only played 13 games)

    Now those facts may seem harsh but they are true, I leave everything on the field, blood, sweat, teeth, pubic hairs and everything in between!

    Righto kids one of my “work-ons” for this year is to be a bit more pleasant in my sign offs for my blog so here goes. Good night, take care, God Bless and go F*%k yourself San Diego ...............what can say, I tried!